Is Your Marriage Boring or Exceptional?

Have you found yourself asking what has s/he done for me lately? Have you wondered what happened to all the excitement and closeness you used to feel?

Couples naturally become more predictable to each other as time passes. Things that used to excite and thrill dont produce the same reaction they used to. Courtship behavior diminishes and along with it, the passion can diminish as well.

Disenchantment can follow the honeymoon period. Often hurt feelings in marriage come from dashed expectations. Couples have a much greater chance of getting past disillusionment (where they realize that their partner is simply human and flawed at that) if they begin with realistic expectation.

Another important factor in surviving the reality of marriage is the willingness to give first without expectations of getting something in return. Your relationship will soon be quagmired if you are constantly looking at what your partner has failed to do, or should be doing, rather than appreciating the positive.

To begin to recapture the passion you shared at the beginning try answering these questions:
What activity did you enjoy together when you first started dating?
Which of those activities do you no longer do?
Which do you miss and wish you could do again?
What is getting in your way?
Have you become complacent or developed habits, such as TV watching that dont support intimacy?
Is it a lack of time, energy or privacy?

Is it the activities that you miss and wish you could do again or do you really miss the excitement of doing things together and getting to know each other? If this is the case, then finding new things to do together would probably be more satisfying than repeating what you have done in the past.

Although your marriage will become more predictable and comfortable as time goes on, there is no need to settle for a passionless marriage. You can choose to focus on the things you like about each other rather than picking away at the annoyances. You can have realistic expectation and a commitment to make your marriage a special place for each of you. You can ask instead, "What have I done for him/her lately?"

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

The Most Important Things In Marriage
When it comes to marriage, there are things that you are responsible for doing that are so important to the marriages success. But, we could list an endless list of these things. Instead, though, lets talk about those things that are most important i...

The Basics of Marriage Counseling
Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. That is why there is an increase in couples seeking marriage counseling. Nobody wants to think that the marriage they are in will end. Marriage counseling offers a way for couples to work thorough probl...

What Particular Qualities Should A Good Marriage Counselor Have
When you make the decision to go and see a marriage counselor in order to help your marriage both you and your partner should remember that you are offering up relationship both past, present and future up for scrutiny to a stranger. So to ensure th...

Can You Save Your Marriage?
Can you I save my marriage? This is something lots of people ask themselves. Usually they begin to wonder about this when there are a lot of conflicts in their relationship, or they just no longer feel the same way about their partner as they used to...

Why You Require Marriage License
If two of you decide to take your dating relationship to the next level - marriage, you need to check the local requirement to obtain marriage license. Apart from government permission, you will also need love, financial stability, communication and ...

Where To Go For Sound Marriage Advice
I feel upset every time I hear someone giving counter productive and ridiculous advice about marriage. I dont claim to be an expert on marriage, but I can still tell if the advice Im hearing is good information or pure nonsense. Marriage advice is av...

Getting a Marriage Annulment
Something that seems to confuse a lot of people is marriage annulment because when you look at it generally speaking, you cannot really say that the marriage did not really happen if you really did walk down the aisle and exchanged vows. Most people ...

Everything Your Mother Never Told You About Marriage
We search endlessly for that perfect "soul" mate, our "true love" that we can spend the rest of our lives with, have children, raise a family, grow old, etc. We are tired of the "dating" scene, we want to settle down and get married. However, once ...

Marriage Problems Signs That You Should Not Ignore!
So you have some potential marriage problem signs? Well im going to go over some of the more common signs to know that your marriage could be headed for trouble. It can happen alot faster than then you think, so you need to recognize some of the key ...

What People Today Think About The "Marriage Crunch"
With more and more people marrying later in life, it seems that people today think the original Marriage Crunch prediction was incorrectly made. In fact, those who were born in the Baby Boomer era, are more than 90% likely to remarry or marry after ...